Self Indulgent Authoress Tripe
by Smoke
Summary: The same stupid string of random ideas given form.  Hillary is an Author living out her own story, and the Legacy of Kain gang are slaves to her whims.  First chapter is a re-introduction, then it launches into a story I call "Hell With Pronouns."
1. Conversation with the muse

"Raziel, do you notice anything odd?" I asked.

"Everything feels strange when I've eaten your muse," Raziel answered.

"I can't believe you still let that lazy dragon trick you into doing its job," I giggled. "At least your inability to hold all of its knowledge makes you a more interesting traveling companion."

Raziel ignored my jabs. "You hinted earlier that something was amiss. Are we about to enter into another inane adventure?"

"Yes, and it irks me," I snapped.

"The adventures are yours," Raziel pointed out. "You are the embodiment of the Author. Everything we've been through together has been for your amusement. In a twisted way, you are bringing all of this on yourself."

"Yes, but it's been five years. I can sense that the Author is changed. I've always been slightly idealized, but I don't even resemble what she is now. Any changes that I suffer is simply because she can't remember me accurately."

I took a breath and continued. "What's irritating is that she's forgetting how depressing it is to be a fan of a dead series. She has other avenues to explore, but she's letting the shreds of her hollow glory tempt her back. And to try to reclaim that feeling with this self-indulgent claptrap that nobody even likes..."

"Then why are we having this conversation?" Raziel asked.

I stared at Raziel. One would assume by looking at him that his pre-abyss form had gained the blue skin of his resurrection. In actuality, Raziel's body was an arbitrary form influenced by the dragon he had consumed. Either Raziel's ability to harness the muse's power was limited, or he didn't bother to explore any of the skills beyond shapeshifting.

"You are my muse, and you're asking me this," I commented dryly. "With the right whisper, the correct nudge, an idea can take hold of me. You could have me scribbling in a notebook until I can't straighten my fingers. You could make me forget to eat, or keep me awake until my senses go all melty. And I would hate anyone or anything that tries to stop it," I explained fervently.

Calming a bit, I continued. "Some unformed ideas take up space. They are distractions. They keep rolling around, wanting to be formed. Somehow there are still self-indulgences that need to be cleared, but they're knocking lose ideas that she doesn't even know she has. And ten chapters of drivel just to set up human Zephon thanking me for saving him from vampiric spiders!"

I stopped my tirade to notice that Raziel was woolgathering instead of paying attention to me. I stomped over to him only to be stopped by an outstretched claw.

"The ideas were knocked lose when you started working on a serious story. Go back to that," Raziel said.

* * *

Pretty much a true story. I had been tempted into rewriting Drop a Stone at a point where I could not access my game collection or my notes. It's a frightfully tough story because of the Earth-human and the difficulties involved. And I did need to knock loose some ideas that brought friends. I make no illusions about how the SIAT series is stupid and unworthy of the bandwidth.


	2. Hell with pronouns 1

I woke up slowly and winced at the brightness of the sky. My head throbbed, and I couldn't remember how I ended up unconscious and outside.

I sat up slowly. Everything about me felt wrong. What I noticed most was my hands; three digits, not very sensitive, and ending in razor-sharp claws. I looked down at my body and noted that I wasn't wearing a shirt. My skin was so tough that I couldn't feel the wind, and so didn't notice right away. As I stood up, I noted that my cloven feet had less sensation than a booted foot.

"I will not tolerate another me!"

I turned to see myself rushing towards me in an open-handed attack. Her fingers struck my chest and she yelped.

"What in the hell?" she asked, cradling her injured hand. She seemed to go through a similar self-examination, frowning as she briefly clasped her breasts. "I'm a woman?"

"I think you have my body," I commented.

"Give mine back, then," she demanded.

"Kain, I don't even know how this happened. Do you?"

"I don't care. Use your powers and change us back."

I snorted as I realized, "I can't. You're the avatar of the Author."

Kain in my body frowned. After a moment's thought he asked, "How?"

"I just will things to happen. If you have my powers, you should know how to use them," I explained.

Kain crossed his arms, momentarily frowning again at the breasts before saying, "I challenge you to prove that." In answer to my confused look he added, "Use my powers."

I thought for a moment about what Kain could do. I mentally cussed at him when I realized that it was hard to tell what was a spell and what was an innate ability. Taking a chance, I tried to telekinetically grab a rock from a nearby cliff.

I stood there for a full minute with my arm outstretched. Instead of being able to pull a rock, I accidentally fired a telekinetic blast and missed what I was aiming for.

"Is that what you were trying to do?" Kain asked.

I just gave him a snaggle-toothed smirk.

"Don't grin like that, it is undignified."

"That gives me an idea. We should make a pact. We do nothing to embarrass or hurt one another."

Kain nodded thoughtfully. "That seems like an excellent idea. Of course, you already embarrass yourself, but I appreciate that you are concerned for my appearance."

I snorted at him but did not argue. "I think we should go back to my house and try to figure this out."

"We have company," Kain warned.

I watched as a pack of Dumahim crept out from behind a cliff wall. They had their eyes on an easy meal of woman.

"Get out of here!" I commanded.

"They are feral, and don't understand orders," Kain pointed out. He was creeping backwards.

"Stand your ground," I growled at him. I stepped between Kain and the vampires, sizing up the situation. There were no weapons; all I had was Kain's body. I wasn't sure that even he could kill a necromantic vampire with his bare claws.

I let the Dumahim come. Malek had been giving me lessons. Most of the techniques I knew focused on how to fight opponents that were stronger than me, but unarmed combat against a vampire would have been suicidal.

I began cautiously, testing both the vampires' and Kain's strength with easy strikes and jabs. My closed-fist punches seemed to be confusing the Dumahim more than hurting them. They seemed too bewildered by the ineffective hits to attack back.

"Rip out their hearts!" Kain called.

I opened my fist and tried to duplicate what Kain had tried on me earlier. My talon punched into its chest, but I grasped something too soft and still to be its heart. With the scent of blood in the air, the Dumahim stopped sizing me up and attacked with renewed fierceness.

One of the warriors managed to score a glancing blow to my shoulder. Falling back on a move I knew, I tossed the wounded vampire into the other two. My wound closed quickly enough, but I knew that I had to end this soon.

As they recovered their feet, I searched within for the ferocity to finish this fight. I found it and released it, and white fur rippled over my body.

The wolf form held its own set of instincts, and I could watch with almost a detached interest as I darted around the Dumahim, biting and clawing. Within moments, all three were too wounded to cause us any more problems, and I licked the blood off of my muzzle as I turned toward the human.

So that is what fear smells like.

"Hillary," she quavered. "Change back now."

I looked and thought, 'pack-mate, cub' to myself, but the wolf felt that there was something wrong. 'Alpha,' I insisted, and I felt a shift in the wolf's demeanor.

I jumped up in greeting, licking Kain's face. Even properly prepared, my body did not have the strength to brace against a dire wolf, and I knocked her down. She pulled at my mane in desperation until he realized that I was in control, and then he pulled in a more deliberate fashion.

"Get off me," he growled in irritation.

I stood back and panted at him.

"Change back," he commanded as he dusted herself off.

I simply gave Kain a show on how to make the wolf form act like a friendly dog. I crouched, wagging my tail excitedly.

"We had an agreement about embarrassing behavior," Kain reminded me.

I trotted over obediently and bumped the back of her knees. Though the experiment in bringing horses to Nosgoth was as short-lived as the horses themselves, Kain had learned how to ride. The wolf form was the size of a pony, and easily held her weight as he swung a leg over my back.

I ran at a gentle lope, Kain easily keeping hold of my fur. Without further incident, we reached my manor on the edge of Melchiah's territory.

* * *

See why I'm calling this one "Hell With Pronouns?" There aren't even proper rules to deal with cross-dressers. Narrating first-person when the genders don't even match is a nightmare.


	3. Hell with pronouns 2

Much apologiies. I seem to have been distracted by first hard drive problems and then the creative fire goin towards the new Drop a Stone.

* * *

Raziel greeted us as we entered. "I would appreciate it if the muse could at least warn me before disappearing. One minute I'm flying over the drowned abbey, the next I'm just a wraith."

"Do not take that tone with me," Kain snapped in a girlish pitch. "Whatever inconvenience you suffered is trivial."

Raziel stepped back in surprise. He stared in confusion at the Author's shift in attitude.

I couldn't help myself, I burst out laughing.

"Stop that at once!" Kain shrieked. "There is no humor in this situation."

At that, I only chortled harder. Raziel backed away again, his claws held ready at his sides. I suppose we must have disturbed him, to see Kain issuing gales of mirth and the normally-easygoing author acting like an absolute queen.

"What is the meaning of this?" Raziel asked, eying us both critically.

I settled down to occasional giggles. Kain turned away in disgust and said, "For some inexplicable reason, we have switched bodies."

Raziel crossed his arms and gave Kain in my body a bemused gaze. "That does explain your behavior, mostly."

"What do you mean by that?" Kain shrieked again.

"Turning into a girl seems to have fueled your temper," Raziel remarked.

"I will not tolerate your insults," Kain said, throwing a convenient vase at Raziel.

Fortunately, Raziel held his own temper and shrugged off the shattered pottery.

"Easy Kain," I soothed. "Try holding your hand like this."

Reluctantly, Kain copied my posture by holding his hand flat in front of his chest. His fingers trembled gently.

"At certain levels of hunger, I can be a bit high-strung," I explained as I led the way into the kitchen.

"Why don't I feel hungry?" Kain asked.

"Something's messed up with my gut," I answered. "It's hard to tell when I'm hungry, until I get to that emotional state."

"We've seen you become half-starved, but I've never seen you become so strident," Raziel remarked.

"I can recognize it and control it," I shrugged as I pulled a bottle of apple juice and the sliced turkey out of the refrigerator.

With a frown, Kain drank the apple juice, but ignored the sandwich I had slapped together.

"You're going to get sick if you don't have something solid with that," I warned.

Wordlessly, Kain pushed the sandwich aside in disgust.

"So what caused this?" Raziel asked. "And where did the muse go?"

"Why does anything happen?" I asked rhetorically. "Though the muse might be gone because I can't sustain it when I'm like this."

"How do you call it?" Kain asked as he stood from the bar stool he was perched on. He gave a slight lurch and her mouth twisted into a sour expression.

"You should have eaten when you had the chance," I remarked, knowing well the discomfort he was feeling. I refilled his glass with milk. "The dragon seems to know when I want it."

Kain sipped cautiously at the milk and then grimaced as he let out a large belch. I winced in sympathy at the expression on his face. The acidic taste of one of those was never pleasant.

"Being aware of your intentions is part of the muse's powers," Raziel admitted. "However, this latest problem is a complete surprise."

"Speaking of problems, I cannot recall when I last fed." Kain poked disinterestedly at the sandwich. "Raziel, I want you to take Hillary to find a meal."

Raziel smirked with his eyebrows. It did make for an amusing idea, the great Kain needing to be shown how to hunt.


	4. Hell with pronouns 3

"Slow down," I complained as I tried to chase Raziel along the tops of the cliffs. "I'm a lot heavier than you."

Raziel came to a sudden halt. "Do you realize how truly bizarre this situation is?"

"You're taking me to go kill someone and eat them. I'm trying not to think about it."

"How can you show such disregard for language?" Raziel asked.

"I am speaking American. The rules of grammar only apply to the written form," I insisted. "You weren't bothered before."

"You are inhabiting my Sire. Despite everything, it pains me to see him like this." Raziel turned away, gazing at some far off point in the landscape.

I frowned and tried to put myself in a 'Kain' frame of mind. Arrogant, Savage, Prideful. If I could compose my words before writing them down, I could compose them before speaking.

"For your sake, then, I shall lead and you will follow," I commanded.

Raziel's shoulders hitched. I could swear that he was about to throw some retort about my authoritative tone. There was both challenge and attention in his gaze.

With a guess at where we were headed, I began jogging. The scuff of hooves on stone told me that Raziel was close behind.

We came across a band of hunters. I considered them for a moment. Certainly their aggression made them fair game, but there were too many and they moved in a coordinated group. I would probably have to kill them all just to get to any of them.

At Raziel's unvoiced question, I said, "I am not in the mood for senseless slaughter today. Let us see what else has wandered away from safety."

"Of course," Raziel answered. I'm not sure if he accepted my reasoning, or felt that a band of hunters was too dangerous for a vampire with the mind of a fledgeling. If it was the latter, it meant that Raziel would only defend me from harm, and not kill my meal for me.

I admit that I was really getting into the roleplay, and Raziel seemed content to fall into some old role as Kain's faithful lieutenant.

I paused as I caught a sweet scent upon the air. Following the odor, I came upon a grisly scene. It was another band of hunters. Three were lying on the ground, bloodless and mangled. A pair of Dumahim worried at the bodies, trying to extract more than they had to give.

The remaining hunter was wedged into a crevice in the rock, spear up but trying to escape notice.

"And what is your opinion, Raziel?" I asked.

"It seems that they have missed one." Raziel's precise words softened in what amounted to a lazy drawl for him. "That poor bastard has no chance of getting out of this alive."

"Then I shall grant him an easy death," I stated casually.

I reinforced the 'Kain-ness' in my mind. Hunters, those who kill my kind. The tantalizing aroma of blood, use that.

I leaped at the man, easily knocking his spear aside and grabbing him by the collar of his leather armor. I hissed challenge at the startled Dumahim. Something clicked in their deranged heads and they cautiously scrabbled away. I grinned savagely and bit down into the man's throat without looking at him.

Blood washed over my tongue, indescribably delicious. I gave myself over to the sensation and let the hot liquid pour down my throat.

The man stilled, and the flow of blood ceased. I drew back and set him gently on the ground, returning to myself. I stared sadly at the cooling body.

"I'm impressed. In the rare cases when a fledgeling remembers their humanity, it is difficult for them at first. They don't want to feed," Raziel commented.

"It was easy. I just had to bring the right set of instincts up," I explained. I gently brushed the man's eyes closed before standing. "How long until I have to do that again?"

"At your age, you only have to feed every few days if you don't exert yourself," Raziel answered.

"Good. I don't think I like being a vampire. I'll meet you back at the manor." With that, I allowed Kain's body to fracture into a cloud of bats.

The experience was not impressive as I had hoped. I was not the flock of bats so much as a consciousness among them. My will was the instinct that drew them towards their destination. With concentration, I was aware of the rapidly passing landscape, but it was hard to focus on anything except where I was going.

The liberation of their matter back into my body was automatic. I was composed from my strange trip almost before the last creature was absorbed.

"You are mistaken if you think you could fool me, Kain," Moebius shouted.

It took a moment to register that he should have been talking to me.

Noticing me, Moebius gestured to my body, who straightened from an easy slouch into a more regal posture.

"It is bad enough that he has sent Malek on some fool's errand, but now he expects me to do something equally dangerous or embarrassing," Moebius complained.

"The opportunity was simply to convenient to resist," Kain insisted. "To have my enemies following my commands, the irony is delicious."

"It is fortunate that I am not so gullible," Moebius snarled.

"How could you tell?" I asked.

"I'm the timestreamer."

"You saw this happen?" I asked.

"No. I have other ways of seeing, thanks to the failure of my eyes. And you forget my years of experience," Moebius sneered at Kain. "Such a simple trick is beneath you."

"It was worth the trying," Kain smiled.

"You will explain what happened to Malek, and I will be there to keep him from knocking your block off," I growled.

"If I must," Kain answered dismissively. "I trust that you have fed?"

"Yes." I sagged a little, remembering.

"And did you have any difficulty?" Kain pressed.

"This isn't a fledgling body," I reminded him.

"That isn't what I am asking you," Kain insisted.

"I put up less fuss than you did over the sandwich," I sulked.

"You appear to be fussing now," Kain commented.

"That slice of unidentifiable flesh that I served you for lunch led a short and painful life wallowing in its own feces," I snarled. "The wheat for the bread required the poisoning of not only the insects that might have competed for that food, but everything that relied on the rivers nearby. And yet it does bother me to be aware of that single life that passed for my benefit."

Though Kain could put on a brave face, possibly despite not needing to for many centuries, he could not control the lack of color in my shell's cheeks. I could not tell if he was disgusted by my description of the food that came from a source not unlike my own world, or if my controlled anger had managed to frighten him.


	5. Hell with pronouns 4

"The old Sarafan priesthood has been spotted in Meridian," Moebius said.

"One problem at a time," I argued. "Do you think you can get them contained?"

"They are fairly well contained already," Moebius pointed out. "Thanks to that Hylden tarnishing our ideals, the Sarafan have no authority."

"If we leave them as homeless wanderers, they may find trouble. Feed them, shelter them, and get them to stay put until I've dealt with our current problem."

"They may not recognize my authority, even if they don't know what I've done to them," Moebius argued.

"Then take Malek with you," I snapped.

"Malek will be needed here," Moebius said.

"Why?"

"Why what?" Moebius' confused look was creepy when his eyes were clouded with cataracts.

"Why will Malek be needed here?"

Moebius helplessly shrugged. I could tell that he was growing disturbed at the thought of saying something and then not remembering it.

"If they do not listen to me, then there is only a slight chance that they would listen to Malek. He can resort to violence, but I think we have stronger allies," Moebius pointed out.

Moebius stood and turned towards Janos. "It pains me to ask for your help, Audron, but you know my task. If I cannot reason with them, I will need bait to trap them."

"Master, he cannot be trusted, ever. It is bad enough that he's allowed to walk free here," Vorador interrupted.

"You may come along if you wish. In fact, I now insist on it," Moebius answered. "The protection afforded me by being the Author's servant only absolves me of past transgressions, remember. I would not leave myself open to your reprisal by committing any new acts against you and yours. I want you to witness that I am honoring that agreement."

"Meridian has changed, but I used to know it well. I will go even if my Master refuses," Vorador agreed.

"Thank you Vorador. I will go with you, but if I am to be bait, I shall set the trap," Janos insisted.

"We shall leave at once," Moebius agreed. And in the flash of a translocation spell, they were gone.


	6. Hell with pronouns 5

"Why are you scowling?" I asked.

"I was hoping for some entertainment," he frowned.

"Well, I don't know that trick where you toss an egg in the air and catch it on the edge of a knife. It would probably make this easier if I did," I snapped. "What made you ask for eggs, anyway?"

"I thought that eggs were fragile." Kain was watching me intently.

"They are strong enough to hold the weight of a duck, if properly supported. But I'd have a mess on my hands if I dropped it." I mused.

I considered the egg, and the vampiric talons I had to work with. I had ripped up the egg carton, but managed to scoop out an egg without breaking it. Now I pondered how best to crack the egg, since I had never mastered the art of breaking one without getting eggwhite all over my hands.

With a very specific motion from my talons, I managed to break into the air pocket at the bottom of the egg. A light touch with a single claw parted the membrane, and I was able to shake the contents of the egg into a bowl.

"I hope you like them scrambled," I muttered at the broken yolk.

"I doesn't matter," Kain insisted angrily.

"Hey, what's eating you?" I asked.

"You have been a vampire for less than a day, and yet you are adapting so quickly," Kain snarled. "When my hands became talons, it took me weeks to get used to them. I accidentally broke Raziel's arm."

I continued cooking breakfast, knowing that hunger could not be helping such a sour mood.

"When you are me, there is no such thing as cowardice. You are weak and helpless, and escape is your only hope of survival," I explained.

"I don't run," Kain insisted.

"We think differently," I explained. "You don't adapt well because you are stubborn. I am used to thinking my way around problems every day, and I like the challenge."

Kain remained silent as he watched me struggle with the spatula. Soon, I had scrambled eggs and toast on a plate. Kain made a face of disgust as I set it front of him. I sighed and handed him the ketchup bottle. He seemed a little more amiable to eating once the eggs were drenched in the red ooze.


	7. Hell with pronouns 6

I walked in to find Raziel dangling my body over the side of the balcony. Her eyes were wide with fright and she struggled to keep ahold of Raziel's wrist.

"Hey!" I yelled. I jogged to just below the balcony, not really thinking beyond what I could do if reasoning with him didn't work.

Before any more could be said, there was a blinding flash of light. I struggled to clear my vision and so I could see Raziel's claws go slack. I managed to catch my body, straining Kain's back muscles in trying to dispell the force of the impact.

My own face looked up and me, and I received on open-handed slap. I set her down then.

"So what's going on here?" I asked. Part of it I could guess, since Kain had learned already that hitting himself with my hands was worse than useless.

"I wasn't going to drop you," she said, examining her hands. "I was trying to teach Kain a lesson."

"And that lesson would be?" I asked as I led Raziel through the house up to the balcony.

"Fear, Control, Weakness, Power..." He stared again at his hand, as if surprised he could use it to tick off so many points.

Raziel's body was still crouched on the balcony. He moved slightly, but then froze again. He reminded me of how a cat would tense up when put into a harness. A shudder wracked his frame as we approached.

Seeing us, he threw out an accusing claw, only to shrink back again. He shifted carefully, uncomfortably, as if his body didn't fit.

A talon rested tentively against his tabard, shuddering again as he sensed the emptiness behind. Glowing eyes rested on the girl, and the wraith gestured as if asking a question.

"Dealing with that form is no less than you deserve," she spat. "I admit, there are great disadvantages to this one as well."

The wraith tried to straighten, but he accidentally stepped on the trailing edge of his ruined wing. "I..." he groaned, the sound a bizarre distortion between Kain and Raziel's voices.

Raziel in my body shoved the wraith hard. He stumbled and narrowed his eyes. Raziel shoved Kain again, this time in a different direction. Though it looked cruel, Raziel was actually doing Kain a great kindness. Anger at being shoved around was a distraction, and having to adjust to the shifts in his weight made him used to moving around in that body.


	8. Hell with pronouns 7

With a flash of translocation spell, Janos, Vorador, and Moebius appeared in the main entrance hall.

"I'm a vampire," Vorador moaned. "After all that I've worked for, I'm a vampire."

"Would you shut up?" Janos yelled, all traces of his accent were gone.

"Did you volunteer to become his guinea pig?" Vorador asked.

"Watch your tone. That is none of your business!" Janos answered.

Vorador lunged at Janos, but the blue vampire easily blocked the attack and answered with a skin-splitting strike against the green one.

"Don't think that I will go easy on you simply because you are in my body," Janos challenged.

"Enough," Moebius said, driving a finger into Janos' back and causing him to collapse to his knees. He confronted Vorador, a thick accent marking his words. "We will not solve this by fighting."

"You're right," I announced. "Let me see if I've got this straight. It looks like Moebius is in Vorador's body, Vorador is in Janos' body, and Janos is in Moebius' body, unless Vorador got mixed up with one of the Sarafan."

"I am Moebius," Vorador admitted. "And you don't sound like Kain."

"I'm still Hillary, though Kain is in the wraith's body and Raziel is in mine," I explained. "How did your mission go?"

"Three of them had already wandered off by the time we got there, and the others wouldn't listen to me," Vorador's body explained. "Janos and I switched while arguing about the trap. I then lured the three Sarafan into the Eternal Prison, and they will be safe there. Vorador and I then switched when he confronted me about putting his Sire's body in danger."

"So who do we have to track down?" I asked.

"Melchia, Rahab, and Raziel," Moebius answered.

"Okay, so it's time to regroup before we start looking for them. Malek is hiding in the lookout tower because he doesn't want to be switched with anyone.


	9. Hell with pronouns 8

I apologize. I'm drunk and don't think that I could even understand while sober what I was trying to do last month when I wrote this.

* * *

We gathered around my kitchen table, a current map of Nosgoth spread between us.

"I think we should split into teams of two, and try to cover as much ground as possible," I explained.

"I think this body is light enough for Vorador and I to search from the air," Janos volunteered.

"You mean fly?" Vorador asked.

"Do not tell me you are still afraid of heights. When you have your own body back, you may be afraid. But when you are in my body, there is no reason to be and I will not stand for it," Janos insisted.

Vorador swallowed nevously, twitching his wings unconsciously. He almost seemed to come up with an argument, but remained silent.

"Since Moebius and I aren't that good at fighting, I don't think we should be put together," I added.

"I don't like the idea of pairing up at all, but I'll go with you," Malek volunteered. "I don't like that face nor the man behind it."

"Where does that leave me?" Raziel asked.

"Safe," I shrugged. "Janos can still use magic, and the rest of us are strong enough to defend ourselves without it. You're the weakest one right now."


	10. Hell with pronouns 9

"Do you think we can take them?" I asked Malek.

"I always could beat them singly, but we are outnumbered," Malek considered. "Raziel could give me the most trouble, and I don't know how you are against more than one opponent. Perhaps you could distract him while I disable Melchia and Rahab."

"Give diplomacy a try," I suggested. "Just because the others wouldn't listen to Moebius doesn't mean that they'll ignore you. I'll watch your back."

Malek casually strolled into the three warriors' path and said, "You're a sight for sore eyes."

* * *

I struggled to hold Raziel's sword by the blade. He leaned in close, spittle foaming on his lips and hatred burning in his eyes.

The now-familiar flash dazzled me, and suddenly I was looking at Kain from the outside. He stared at me, then at his talons, and horror dawned in his eyes. Horror suddenly turned to panic as his body dissolved into a flock of bats and exploded in all directions.

I watched as the bats swarmed in confusion. At one point, they seemed to come together, as if trying to assume a humanoid form again, but they collapsed and flew away as a unified group.

I glanced at the other three. They had stopped fighting for the moment, and were instead looking at each other in confusion.

Malek turned to Melchia and asked, "Wait, what are you doing in my armor?"

"This isn't your armor," Melchia answered. He pointed to the quilting visible through a gap in his armor. "Blue, see? You didn't wear a gambison before. I certainly can't figure out who your armorer is now."

"Yes I did," Malek argued. "And that is yellow, making it my armor."

"Helmets off!" I shouted. I had already removed mine, and one look at the stylized shoulder plates confirmed that I had ended up in Raziel's body. "I have seen this before. I am Malek, and I had been body-swapped with that damned vampire. As much as it sickened me, I made a truce with the beast until we could reverse whatever dark magic had caused it."

Inwardly, I winced at the lie. I just didn't know how they would react if I told them that I had been the vampire, even with such a far-fetched explanation as being an ordinary woman in a vampire's body. Malek wouldn't have bothered helping me if he had been fresh from his own time.

"I'm Melchia," Malek's lips spoke.

"I am Rahab," Melchia admitted.

"And I am Raziel," Rahab said.

And thus I was tangled in my own lie. If Malek was playing along, he would have taken whatever name was left. The look of horror on Kain's face as he realized that he was a vampire would indicate a hatred for the race, but I had to doubt that Malek had become used enough to working with vampires to tolerate becoming one.

"So that cowardly beast has gotten his body back and ran away," I sneered. "We will have to go back to that witch and see if she can sort out this latest mess.

"You just stood by at let that monster try to order us around," Melchia pointed out.

"Would you have listened to the vampire?" I asked.

"Let's just follow him," the one claiming to be Raziel said. "With three against one, we can easily take him."

"Something doesn't feel right," Rahab argued, but he shouldered his pike and indicated that I should lead the way.

On the way, we spotted some vampires that weren't in our direct path.

"Risk your own skins, not each other," I told them before an argument could start. I turned to Melchia in Malek's body. "I don't want you earning any of my scars for me."

I was sweating, and not just because of the quilted layers under my armor. I was positive that I would slip up and they'd discover the truth, and I still wasn't sure if Malek had my back.


	11. Hell with pronouns 10

In time, we reached the front gates of my manor without any incidents. I marched up the path, reminding myself to be angry.

The next moment exploded into chaos. I relaxed as strong arms pinned mine from behind.

"How convenient. We return from searching for Sarafan, and we find them right on our doorstep," the wraith purred.

"It's not convenient, it's a bigger mess," I argued. "I'm not sure who's in Kain's body, but he's still lose."

"If you hadn't muddied the waters by claiming to be me, you would know that it's Raziel. What were you trying to do?"

"I wanted to keep the situation under control. I wouldn't have had any authority if I had told them my name was Hillary."

"Stop arguing! I have enough of a headache." With great ceremony, the authoress reached into the bag and pulled out a magnifying lens. She turned towards me and I saw the glowing white eyes and blue face of the wraith through the lens. After inspecting everyone present, she gestured to the shells of Melchia and Malek. "Lock those two in the dungeon."

"I have a dungeon?" I asked her, trying to massage some feeling back into my freed arms.

We wandered into the garden, away from the others.

"Apparently I can tap into the powers that you share with the muse," Raziel explained. "However, I can't summon the muse, or use any of the powers unique to one or the other."

I thought carefully. Unfortunately, knowing the full limit of my abilities was part of the author power. I hesitantly suggested, "Can you feel the fabric of reality? Try poking around, see if you can find a weak spot."

"I don't think I can," she frowned.

"All of my powers should be there. I think you can only use the muse-shared ones because you already know how they work. The rest of my powers are similar," I insisted.

Raziel closed her eyes, as if looking for something. When he opened them again, the whites were shattered with lines of red.

"Don't push too hard," I warned.

"No, I think I have it," she whispered. A blood-streaked tear ran down her face, and she fainted.

I stepped forward to catch her, and the next thing I knew was a blinding migrane.

"Wake up," Raziel said. "You're in your proper body."

Strong arms cradled me, and I felt like I was moving. I heard the thunderous beat of loud wings nearby.

"I don't suppose you could explain this?" Raziel asked.

The muse responded with a wordless phrase that began with a growl and ended with a hiss.

"Hillary, wake up so you can fix the others," Raziel insisted.

I groaned angrily at him. He had drawn too much power, and I could feel it fitfully circulating around my body. Releasing it would feel good, but I was also hurting from Raziel's efforts.

My muse assumed human form and began speaking. "Attention everyone. If you would group yourselves according to who has which body, we can begin the process of sorting this mess out."

I relaxed at the general murmur as everyone discussed which orders would be most efficient to straighten out multiple switches.

"Where's my body?" Raziel asked.

"Kain went off to find himself," Vorador's voice said.

I struggled to open my eyes, but my vision was clouded. "He'll be fine."

The muse took my hand and smiled. I could see the lack of reason in this insanity, some random burst of creativity that had risen unbidden and flowed forth of its own accord.

It took only the lightest pressure to unseat everyone's minds and let them flow into their proper bodies with a touch.

Malek had sensibly manacled himself to the two Sarafan, but had easily shifted around in the chains to pin them both. Moebius wearily leaned against the fence as he spoke to the trio, even though the restoration of my powers had also restored his youth.

Kain coalesced in a cloud of bats and walked up to us. "I trust that almost everyone is returned to normal."

"With one minor detail," Raziel agreed.

"I'm afraid that he's gone to the one place that I cannot follow," Kain sighed. "We can only hope that he finds his way on his own."

"I can follow him," the muse volunteered.

"Are you sure?" Raziel asked. "What will happen if he consumes you?"

The muse gave Raziel a foul look. "I simply will not allow it. Raziel the Younger is unfit to serve as the muse. And that goes for the both of you."

Raziel frowned as he watched the muse resume his dragon form and fade away. "He and I will have words when this is fully resolved."


	12. Wrong Raziel 1

Kain glanced at the meal I was preparing. "I don't recall you going through quite so much effort for me."

"One, I miss food. Two, I don't know whether a good hand-washing would leave scars or not." As if to prove a point, I scrubbed a carrot under the tap and then flicked my fingers at him. "I still get a bit nauseated when I think about what must have been trapped under your claws."

Kain snorted in contempt. He then gave me a knowing smile and said, "You liked it."

"What, being you?" At Kain's nod, I gave it a moment's thought. "There were some good points, but I'm not you. I don't think like you, but I might have started if I stayed too long in your body."

"Just keep telling yourself that," Kain said, languidly pushing himself away from the counter.

I burst out laughing, not able to help myself. At Kain's confused stare, I explained, "You're not moving right. I think it's a good thing that you got out of my body when you did."

Kain only answered with a frown, but I noticed that he paid attention to the way he walked as he left the manor.

* * *

Hours later, I settled at the table with a happy sigh. "Gentlemen, tonight we feast."

"What happened to your 'eat to live' philosophy?" Malek asked as he helped himself to a spoonful of stewed potatoes.

"I would be living to eat if I did this too often. However, cooking is also a valid way to express creativity," I explained.

"I think it would be less painful for all of us if that creativity of yours would find another outlet," Raziel muttered. He chewed thoughtfully on a sliver of potroast.

After the meal, I brought out a pie. With my non-appreciation for sweets, I had no interest in actually eating the pie, but it was satisfying to bake it.

"Raziel, do you remember that time that Turel fell into a pit, and found at least a dozen vampires hiding at the bottom?" Malek asked.

Raziel set down his fork. "Unfortunately I do, but it was a long time ago. They were fledgelings, and didn't stand a chance even if he had been alone."

Malek frowned. "I keep forgetting. You aren't the man I knew."

"Your own point of view also is unique," Raziel pointed out.

"Not really," Malek sighed. "I also stopped living that day. I persisted, but didn't really notice the world changing around me. I'm relieved at how hard it is to remember what it was like."

"I envy you," Raziel replied as he stood from the table and walked away.


	13. Wrong Raziel 2

As sunset colored the gray sky orange, a dark shape landed in the garden.

It was a dragon, my dragon, but twisted as if out of a nightmare. Its bones stood out from its leathery blue hide, and the trailing edges of its wings were ragged. Its eyes burned with white-hot fire, and its exposed fangs gleamed in the fading light.

"What in the hell?" Raziel asked from behind me.

"It's still the muse," I reminded myself, feeling that its power was still under my command.

As I approached, it turned towards me and let off a rumbling growl.

"Impressive trick," I commented dryly. "Now spit him out."

The dragon heaved a few times, and with a mighty spasm, it puked out the wraith and returned to its smooth-scaled form.

The wraith shakily gained its feet, and then stared at Raziel. "You're me."

"That is more true than you know," Raziel sighed. He turned to me and said, "I'd like to talk with him before we switch back."

I turned towards the wraith and held my hands in front of him, forming a triangle with my fingers and thumbs. "Swear that you will not cause any trouble."

"I swear," the wraith answered.

I touched Raziel lightly. "Do you feel how to switch back?"

"All it takes is a push," he remarked in surprise.

As I wandered away, I heard Raziel say. "We really are the same person. I will prove it to you by telling you a secret that no one else knows."

An hour later, the wraith stalked up to me and said, "He ran off."

"So he broke his word. Running off is trouble, and so trouble is now his," I remarked.

"What did you do to him?" Raziel asked.

"I bound him to an oath. I'm not sure what that means for him now."

"Why did you bind him in the first place?" Raziel asked.

"Because I am getting sick of the drama," I spat. "All the other Sarafan are contained and need to be dealt with. He had the opportunity to get loose and he did, and so at least he's going to suffer for it."

Raziel turned to the muse and said, "I accept your burden if you would allow me."

The dragon nodded and joined with Raziel, creating one being. Those who didn't know the truth would think that the Raziel-dominant muse was simply the pre-abyss form infected with blue skin, but then they wouldn't be able to explain the fine scales that graced the tougher parts of Raziel's skin.

"I cannot find him," Raziel sighed in disappointment.


	14. Wrong Raziel 3

Several days later, Moebius burst in and accused. "What have you done to Raziel?"

"I'm not sure," I admitted. "What's happening to him?"

"He came to me for help. He turned into a vampire and is evolving at an unprecidented rate," Moebius explained. "He flew away when I told him that I needed to ask you for help."

"Flew away?" Raziel asked. "At the time of my execution, I did not have the strength to fly very far or long."

"I think that he will continue to change based on what you were going to become," Moebius sighed.

"We have to find him," Raziel insisted.

* * *

"Are you sure we shouldn't ask for help?" I asked as we walked out of the warp gate to the human citadel.

"This is a personal matter. You are fortunate that I am allowing you the chance to fix your mistake," Raziel insisted. "I defeated all of my brothers single-handedly, I am sure that my own evolved form cannot be much stronger."

"Are you sure?" I repeated, pointing down the street.

Men with flamethrowers blasted a creature that towered two stories above them. It calmly ignored them, except to pluck one from the street with its thin arms. It would drop a man into its beastial muzzle, suck on it for a moment, and then let the crushed corpse drop from its jaws. It walked upright on two legs, its wings tucked neatly around its shoulders.

"My god," Raziel remarked. He seemed almost in awe of that possible form. He broke out of his astonishment and pointed to a waterfall that fed the moat. "Water should still hurt him. See if you can rally the people to stop feeding him."

"Everyone! Get away from that thing!" I yelled as I ran towards the monster. "Hero coming through!"

Raziel flew at his other self's eyes and raked at his face with his claws. The monster turned towards the blue vampire and hissed "You."

The hunters of the citadel did not heed me, instead taking advantage of the creature's distraction to press forward with their flamethrowers. The larger Raziel easily kicked them away.

"I know what the hunger is like, and I know that you don't really want to hurt these people," the smaller Raziel said. "Come away with me, and I can help you."

"No redemption," the creature growled.

"Don't force me to kill you again," Raziel argued.

"You won't." The monster lowered its head, watching Raziel.

When the blue vampire dove again, the monster turned its head and managed to catch him by one foot. It then slammed Raziel into the waterfall, not realizing that he no longer possessed that weakness. Raziel caught the water with his wings and flung it into the monster's face, causing it to howl in agony and release him.

'The dragon would have the leverage to hold his head in,' I suggested silently to Raziel.

'I would prefer leading him away,' Raziel replied.

'Will he follow you?' I asked.

The monster wiped the remaining wetness and blood away from his face. New skin creeped from the edges of his wounds to cover the raw blisters. The blue one flapped for altitude and began to drift away from the city.

"Run," the creature hissed. He seemed pleased, as if he thought that he had chased Raziel away. He then turned back towards his meal. All of the citadel's defenders were dead, but he did notice me. "Your fault."

I screamed.

The dragon slammed into the creature's head with its full weight. It then clung to the back of his shoulders and ripped at his wings with its foot claws. The wraith scrambled from the dragon's back and began to slice into the creature's face once again.

The monster managed to fling the dragon off of his back, but the wraith had a firm grip on his mane. The monster reached up and tried to dislodge Raziel, but the wraith had far greater strength than his opponent.

I looped my arms around the dragon's kneck and bid it to fly. "Hey ugly, do you want a peice of me?"

With a burst of strength, the creature pulled at the wraith once more and was rewarded with his hair coming away with bloody chunks of skin attached. He held Raziel in both hands, pinning his arms to his sides. The creature launched himself into the air, following the lead of my dragon.

The muse had enough spare attention to allow me to hear Raziel's words even over the rushing wind.

"Hillary has the power to make you human again," Raziel told his other self.

"Can't go back," the creature argued.

"A vampire is just as capable of honor and integrity as a human is. You don't have to be a monster," Raziel insisted.

The larger Raziel glided to the top of a cliff and set the wraith down gently. My dragon turned and landed beside the now-contemplative monster.

"I understand you better than anyone else can," the wraith said. "Allow me to help you."

"Want to see," Raziel said.

"Would you like me to drive your evolution back a few steps?" I volunteered. "Your life might be a bit easier if you were smaller.

The monster nodded his permission. I grasped his wickedly curved talons and began to narrate.

"The evolved Raziel shrunk until he became shorter than Dumah. His muzzle retracted into his face, making it again possible to feed normally. His thin limbs filled out, and his talons once more become cloven hands. Raziel kept an impressive wingspan, but was able to fold them comfortably."

As I finished speaking, I fell over backwards. My muse had assumed his human form and easily caught me before I hit the ground.

"What is wrong?" the wraith asked.

"Narrating from within the story is about the most dangerous thing an author can do," my muse explained. "She'll be fine."

"I thank you," the white Raziel said. He turned toward the wraith. "You say you understand me. Now I want to understand you. I've fought against vampires for all of my life, and now I get to see what it's like on the other side. You're right, I don't have to be a monster, I just ended up that way."


End file.
